Player Profiles
Dave
“Masters President, CEO, Chancellor, Corporate events co-ordinator, Accountant, Purchasing Officer and handbag designer.”
Record:
2011 – 4th (Ev), 2012 – 3rd (+2), 2013 – 4th (+3), 2014 – 3rd (-3), 2015 – 5th (+13), 2016 – =5th (+9), 2017 – 14th (+56), 2018 – =2nd (+6), 2019 – 3rd (+4), 2021 – =3rd (-3).
Boydo
“2011 CHAMPION & Vice President (Self proclaimed)”
Record:
2011 – CHAMPION (-15), 2012 – Disqualified (Medical analmergency), 2013 – 3rd (Ev), 2014 – 10th (+24), 2015 – 3rd (+4), 2016 – 8th (+17), 2017 – 5th (+29), 2018 – 8th (+32), 2019 – 8th (+15), 2021 – 11th (+43).
Loved golf now for about 25 years, but I’ve never been great (apart from a couple of rounds of 78. Golf is my only and favourite “active” passtime – I love it and would do it weekly if time permitted. To be honest, since my 2011 win, I’ve tried my hardest each year but have always maintained if I am tied for first place with another player who hasn’t yet won, I would throw it. Alas I haven’t been close to winning since. That said, now that TWINK has won twice, I”m open to the idea of becoming champion again. I’m now as keen as ever to win again and I will show no mercy should the opportunity arise!!
BE WARNED… I’ll eat your last ice cream, shit on your doorstep, ask if your missus is pregnant when she puts on 2 kilos, buy you a west coast in a pub at Roma, change my name in your phone to “Chrystal” and call you at 2 am every morning for a week, spit on your shoe, fart in your breakfast when you’re hung-over, ask out loud “Do you have a stiffy?” at the ticket sales booth when I take you to see twilight at the movies and punch your dog in the face to win this year!
Gaz
“Schmeagel Stretcher”
Record:
2011 – 5th (+3), 2012 – 4th (+8), 2013 – 7th (+25), 2014 – 9th (+23), 2015 – 6th (+17), 2016 – CHAMPION (-9), 2017 – =10th (+40), 2018 – 14th (+46), 2019 – 13th (+31), 2021 – 9th (+20).
Handicap is approximately 28. Once a top class cricketer turned pro golfer. Started playing seriously when “COCKSMOKER” (David) graced us with his presence from the ‘cane toad territory.’ Best score 85. So all you COCKSMOKERS be weary of this VICTORIAN talent. P.S For all your horse racing tips call 1300 COCKSMOKER.
Tim
“TJ”
Record:
2011 – 7th (+23), 2012 – 2nd (-1), 2013 – Disqualified (only played 2 rounds), 2014 – 12th (+28), 2015 – 7th (+26), 2016 – 11th (+68), 2017 – 4th (+27), 2018 – 7th (+28), 2019 – 11th (+20), 2021 – 2nd (-5).
Handicap 25ish. Started to play golf again after a 10 year break when my knees started to tell me that I am becoming an old bastard. My best round of 87 was at Nudgee North course. My worst round was at Redcliffe – started with an eagle on the 1st hole from a 125m chip shot, then continued to (un)excel on every hole – shooting a 106 – what a hacker!! I look forward to this and many more brown jackets to see the rise and fall of many champions and maybe a few beers with good mates in between!
Nathan
“Sparky”
Record:
2011 – 6th (+12), 2012 – =4th (+8), 2013 – 5th (+9), 2014 – 2nd (-6), 2015 – 11th (+39), 2017 – 2nd (+22), 2018 – 10th (+37), 2019 – 7th (+10), 2021 – CHAMPION(-18).
My golfing career started in primary school when I would go to the park and hit a bucket of balls. It continued throughout my teen years when I would visit Virginia golf club for a hack on the school holidays. It was not until I was in my early 20’s that my golf game picked up and I shot my best score on Australian soil, 88. I further developed my skills in England when I was working for a golf club outside of Oxford. After being there for several months and having access to free coaching from club professionals my game dramatically improved. By the end of my stay I was able to get around the course with a single figure handicap. After leaving Oxford there was a lengthy brake before I picked up a set of golf clubs again. By the time I had my next game all my bad habits had fully taken hold again. This leads me into the present day where I have a handicap of 29 and arguably one of the best slices in the game. I finished mid field last year in the Masters and with some divine intervention I hope to improve on that result in 2012, 2013, even on my 2nd place in 2014. Peace out bitches!!!
Stephen
“Step-Hen ” “Steppy”
Record:
2012 – 9th (+59), 2013 – 9th (+36), 2014 – CHAMPION (-10), 2015 – 4th (+11), 2016 – 10th (+28), 2018 – 5th (+14), 2019 – 9th (+17).
This year with a more accurate handicap, Stevo ( divot diver/ Steppy/ Step Hen) will be expected not only by himself to be up there with the best performers… (Not Luke – who is minus $100 after backing himself against stupid odds), on ya Luke! Those couple cartons went down well.
2014 will see the “BJI” jacket & trophy head down south for the first time since the Brown Jacket started, where I have organised a spot in the trophy cabinet at the local ‘Builders RSL.’
THIS ACTUALLY CAME TRUE!
Best score yet to come – recent score cards only give false indications…
Steve M
“Mus”
Record:
2013 – 10th (+58), 2014 – 4th (-2), 2015 – =8th (+27), 2016 – =5th (+9), 2017 – 12th (+44), 2018 – =12th (+40), 2019 – 4th (+5), 2021 – 6th (+2).
I have never shot below 100. I went close once with a 101 which included a 9 on the last hole. I’m a fairly inconsistent golfer. At one corporate golf day I collected two prizes – ‘closest to the pin’ and the prize for being in the team that came last. I am reasonably confident that if I did dedicate myself to golf a little more, that I could make quite a comfortable living from it – I’ve just made a conscious decision not to pursue that avenue. There is a large list of things that I am above average at, but I should probably limit the list of things to those which relate to the Brown Jacket. My above-average level of competitiveness and my below-average golfing ability generally combine to equal an above-average number of broken/damaged clubs. Timmy “J” also says that I am above-average in the sack, but I don’t remember that!
Mark
“Han Solo”
Record:
2015 – 12th (+48), 2016 7th (+11), 2017 – 7th (+32), 2018 – =2nd (+6), 2021 – 8th (+12).
“Started playing golf at the age of nine, towing a buggy & clubs behind my bike on Saturday mornings to the local course, and after 5 years of playing four or five times a week (twice on Saturdays) I’d managed a respectable (in my opinion) handicap of 18 and was able to get a couple of junior wins and one seniors win on the board. Over the 20 years since I’d be lucky to have played four or five times a year, mostly at the occasional corporate golf day and my scores reflect the neglect shown to the game with a couple of strokes per year being added. Looking forward to a few rounds on quality courses and a beer or twelve in between (which can only help my on course performance)as part of the 2015 Masters “
Josh
“TWINK”
Record:
2011 – 2nd (-8), 2012 – CHAMPION (-6), 2013 – 6th (+15), 2016 – 3rd (-2), 2017 – CHAMPION (+10), 2018 – 6th (+27).
Handicap approx 36. I have been playing golf for two years and I’m shit. I think my boyish good looks will be enough to get me the jacket this year – I mean why shouldn’t they? As I understand, all I’ll have to do is shave all the hair from my body, post some sexy pictures on www.TWINK.com and I’ll get lotsa ‘brown loving’ (maybe even more than I already get… maybe). I enjoy looking at myself, getting spray tans and watching my parents mate (oh, yeah. go daddy, go!) all at the same time. I only agreed to play in the brown jacket last year so I could be in a room with 9 other drunk guys. I intended on slipping them all double dose ‘roofies’ and viagra, but I forgot to get the junk from my boyfriend (who is currently grooming me). There once was a boy named Josh, who liked to think he was Posh. Until one fine day, he met a rich gay, who turned his bum into mush.
Matt
“Matty”
Record:
2015 – 13th (+58), 2016 – DSQ (played only 3 days), 2017 – 3rd (+24), 2018 – 9th (+36), 2019 – CHAMPION (-12).
I played golf once… then forgot how i did it. I think i liked it though – balls, cups, shafts, follow through’s, strokes, woods, putting from the rough, foursomes, 18 holes, stiff shafts, playing the back 9 etc etc – sounds right up my alley anyways. see you guys there.
Tony
“TC”
Record:
2015 – 14th (+86), 2016 – 12th (+85), 2017 – =10th (+40), 2018 – 15th (+52), 2021 – 12th (+49).
I am known as a hacker and I have no official handicap. I see myself as the Godfather of the group and I am ready to offer my opinion to the rest of the boys as I have years of experience and knowledge in drinking & gambling which can only assist them all in their golf.
Father of three Brown Jacket participants my comments to them over the last thirty odd years in relation to golf have been ignored. However, after spending time working in Vanuatu (playing golf) on a regular basis my game has improved to a level not seen before at previous cameos at the Brown Jacket.
So to prove a point I intend to show that the old bloke can still handle his stick.
Alex
“Kempy”
Record:
2011 – 3rd (-4), 2012 – Disqualified (played only 3 days), 2013 – 8th (+28), 2014 – =6th (+22), 2018 – CHAMPION (+4)
Official Handicap of 18. First walked the fairways when he was the tender age of 14 and within 2 years had his handicap down to a respectable 13, however he gave the game away due to other endeavours during his late high school days. 2 years ago he dusted off the bag and started pounding the fairways once again realising that his short game, although rusty, was still a major asset. Lowest scores include a 79 at Emerald Lakes at the 2011 Brown Jacket and an 83 at Pacific Golf Club at Carindale recently (those who have played Pacific will know that the 83 is far better than the 78). Always consistent without ever breaking through for the wins but keep the burglars honest!
Frankie
“Frankie”
Record:
2013 – 11th (+52), 2014 – =6th (+22), 2016 – 9th (+18), 2017 – 9th (+37), 2018 – 4th (+8), 2019 – =5th (+7).
Born from a women under no special circumstances, my Italian heritage gives me no advantage with the game of golf. Superior intelligence, unbelievably good looks, the body of a Roman god and an appendage that puts miniature horses to shame says nothing on my ability to find water on any hole. But underneath the perfect human cloning specimen, lies an animal that can drive, chip, putt and sledge better than King Arthur with an enchanted golf club. Unlocking this animal starts with a special potion, similar to a love potion or sleeping potion, but available by travelling gypsy’s on the battle field. This animal unleashing, golf nirvana potion is called BEER. There is no greater substance on heaven or earth that brings my golf ball crushing swing to the greatest competition in a 1cm radius, The Brown Jacket.
CHRIS
“Chrisso”
Record:
2017 – 8th (+35), 2018 – =12th (+40), 2019 – =5th (+7), 2021 – 7th (+4).
ADAM
“Humpy”
Record:
2017 – 13th (+53), 2018 – 11th (+39), 2019 – 10th (+18), 2021 – =3rd (-3).
CHRIS
“McEvoy”
Record:
2018 – 16th (+101), 2019 – 12 (+22).
Adam
“Pilaty”
Record:
2014 – 13th (+54), 2015 – 10th (+29), 2016 – 4th (+4), 2017 – DSQ (only played 2 rounds), 2019 – DSQ (Only played 2 rounds again — jerk).
Well, it’s safe to say, that my handicap is my golf…or it could just be me. Either way, consistency is something I know nothing about. In one game at Keperra, I managed to go from top of the field and driving like Dick Johnson in a Bathurst win, to driving like “a drunken Boyd in a beat up old “Scamp” around his parents block” by the 9th hole. That is to say like shit and ending up at the arse end of the field. I have never played with a new set of clubs, having always been on the receiving end of my old man’s OLD set.
I am yet to post an official handicap but definitely enjoy the game. I’ve not yet wrapped a club around a tree in frustration, mostly because I’d be buggered if I were buying a new club because I broke one. So swearing, strange faces and further terrible golf are usually my escapes.
This is my first Jacket Tournament and I am as excited as a pig in shit.
BRING IT!
Dan
“Neilo”
Record:
2014 – 14th (+56). 2015 – 2nd (+1), 2016 – 2nd (-5), 2017 – DSQ (injured after 3 rounds)
I love my sport, betting on it more than playing it these days, but very excited to bust my hymen in this year’s Brown Jacket . Be gentle lads!
I would rather be scoring hundreds on the cricket pitch than scoring them on the golf course, unfortunately I could never achieve that feat in my cricket playing days but manage to raise the bat to the members pavilion almost every time I hit the links.
I have never played regularly enough or could be bothered to calculate my handicap but at this stage I guess it would be around the 30 mark (sorry Boyd, 20 is way off). I was first introduced to the fascinating game of golf via the unlikely setting of a Bucks party and I began to realise very quickly that this sport was for me, never have I played a game that went so well with beer. Needless to say I was hooked. Where had this game been all my life? I am the epitome of a social golfer, plenty of ordinary shots mixed with a handful of good shots, which keeps me coming back for more punishment.
My order of priorities for this year’s Brown Jacket will be; drinking as much beer as I possibly can; enjoying time away from the ball ‘n chain and screaming kids and a distant third will be golf. I plan on losing plenty of balls, shanking drives, duffing chips and missing gimmie puts on the best golf courses the Sunshine Coast has to offer and having a blast while doing it!
Jim W
Record:
2017 – 15th (+59), 2019 – 2nd (-4), 2021 – 5th (-1).
Dan
“Walker”
Record:
2019 – DSQ (+31), 2021 – 10th (+23)
Josh
“Murray Mud Crab”
Record:
2015 – =8th (+27)
I’m the amazingly gifted golfer cousin of the Clark boys that I’m sure they would have told you about (haven’t they?) Have been hacking my way around a golf course fairly consistently over the past few years. Slowly improving but still a hack for sure. Best score was probably recently at Vic Park and shot 88 (par is 63 but ill take it) Looking forward to popping my Brown Jacket cherry and carving up “Steppy” in the process.
Joel
“Smiddy”
Record:
2011 – =8th (+28), 2012 – 6th (+19), 2013 – CHAMPION (-18), 2014 – 5th (-1)
Handicap approx 21. Cigars and booze go hand in hand with my golf game, both of which are normally my undoing ! I played lots golf during high school peaking not long after finishing, playing mainly at Royal Queensland. Recently upgraded my clubs to Mizunos and my driver to Callaway.
Ajay
“AJ”
Record:
2014 – =6th (+22)
I would like to say my handicap reflects the # of hrs I spend on the golf course but sadly it is called social golf for a reason. Whilst I don’t have an official handicap it would be around 18. I play with a rusted set of irons but have recently brought a ping driver to complement my new putter….neither of which are doing me any justice. I love the 19th hole as I always win here!
I am looking forward to the Brown Jacket….if I time it right I may just peak at the tournament end of the season. Or at least off the field.
Luke
“Mouse”
Record:
2011 – 10th (+57), 2012 – 7th (+34), 2013 – 12th (+97)
Handicap – just over infinity. Always hated watching golf – always hated people who play golf, so I thought I’d have a crack at the Brown Jacket! I may be small in stature (and cock) but I think my shoulders are strong enough to carry Boyd’s, Twink’s and Smiddy’s egos after winning the last 3 years. I have two holes that things come out of, but usually I let things slide in – which brings me to my putting philosophy – ” If my balls ain’t going in the hole, then my shaft is!!” I don’t intend on making any improvements on my game from last year… I’m happy coming last… and so is my boyfriend.
Dave
“Shanas”
Record:
2011 – =8th (+28), 2012 – Disqualified (only played 3 rounds), 2013 – 2nd (-9), 2014 – 11th (+26), 2015 – CHAMPION (-7)
Handicap – variable. Born – 1982 and graduated from Villanova College (unlike the other cock smokers). Shanas is one of the more talented players competing for The Brown Jacket. Robbed of a possible first place last year (due to intoxication & cigar poisoning). Shanas has the potential to be wearing the Jacket in 2012 and has by far the longest drive and cock this competition has ever seen. Some of his greatest achievements include, driving around Pebble Beach, California and scoring a 65 on Tiger Woods PGA Golf 2012 (PS3). As a Paramedic, Dave knows how to look after retards, and he’ll be sure to take care of all the retards competitioning in this years Brown Jacket by taking out first place.